Wanting

Wants. Now there's a subject. I had found myself for years tamping down my wants. My needs were met, sort of, but to want something, oh boy, that was a recipe for disaster. Either the want would be denied, or worse, it would be given and then realized as a humongous mistake. *sigh* I know. I'm being dramatic. But somewhere along the way I found myself becoming more and more okay with things as they were. This would be fine, if things were really okay, but I'm no monk and well . . .

Moving to the farm was a game changer. Living here, in this haven of rural solitude and wonderful family stories was something I really wanted, but: Would my family support me in this decision? Would I be able to hack it? Would I like it once I got here? To get past all of the other W's, I had to give myself permission to come here for a year and see how it worked. No further expectations. (Of course, my brother and brother-in-law said I'd have to hire a moving company if I moved again. They're only good for 20-year-moves.)

And of course, moving here has been perfect, a bit of paradise, and not just for me, though I'm the chief recipient, but for my family in so many ways.

And why all this round-about-ranting and shouting? Well, of course, I'm finding I'm wanting again. And I need to develop a plan.

What do you want?